You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
