Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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