I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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