dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
