So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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