Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
