It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
