i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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