dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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