I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
