Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
