I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
