yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
