They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
