I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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