I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
