i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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