Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
