I'm so fucking centered right now
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
