The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
