i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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