drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
