Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
