I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
