I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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