i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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