Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
