Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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