You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
