what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
