My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
