This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
