i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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