you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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