Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
