toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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