I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
