I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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