i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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