Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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