There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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