Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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