"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
