Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
