I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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