On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
