your thong is hanging out like whoa
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
