So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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