Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
