She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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